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A Thought in the Day of My Life - Where am I heading?

Submitted by rashmijsr on Tue, 2020-05-05 13:11
Journey of Life

My life has changed a lot in the last 3 years. What stays unchanged is the people around me, the sun, moon, stars, and the entire universe which is still the same. When I look back there is only one dominating thought in my mind. What I gained or lost? I cannot delete the past nor can I “ctrl Z” 10 to 12 years of my life so that I have the option to live it again and make it a memorable one. I have lived a great life with my parents. My dad loves me a lot. Till the age of 28 years, my dad managed almost everything for me. I have lived the life of a princess. My dad fulfilled each and every desire of mine. I was one of those rowdy figures who never bothered what was going on in the world. I studied, played, watched television, did almost everything which you can expect a teenager to do. I never grew up until I was with my dad. He is the best dad in the whole world. Actually God gifted me a part of himself in the form of my dad. My life changed in the thirties and now I am 40 years young going to be 41.

I am not in the best of my health so I thought of writing something to boost my energy and let others learn from my story. I took too much tension, went into depression, and forgot about my whole being totally, that did take a big toll on my body. Though I managed to get out of depression but the health problems which I contracted in the year 2018 still creates havoc in my life till today. I get fed up, nothing works. I just eat, sleep, eat medicines, and hope for better days to come. Sometimes I ask God why me? Why I had to go through so much in my life? Frankly speaking, I have not seen pain so closely as I saw in the year 2017. Sometimes life is really a bad master and it teaches you its harsh truth in the toughest of ways. I can never understand why I need to understand all the worst truths the hard way. My mind is all mashed up. Nothing is going inside my head. Even my dad could not understand how to convince me that everything will be fine, so he just hung the call and bid me goodbye. He knew it is my journey and I have to figure out everything on my own.

I cannot understand Why I had to go through so much pain? Why I suffered so much? I was nowhere at fault. I need justice. Everything which happened in the year 2017 still keeps haunting me. I don’t know how people forget past memories. I think there are few feelings which need to be dealt with and when you leave them unattended it erupts all of a sudden. I stay alone and this lockdown has added to my woes. Though I am dealing with it since I am left with no other option but to do that. I really advise people not to leave any unattended emotions because that can really take away the peace of your life by erupting like a dormant volcano out of the blue. The storm which came in my life took away everything. I did lose a lot but yes the lessons remain. I am done with all these life lessons. I just can’t understand why I have to learn all lessons in life.

God saved me life 3 times. I know I cannot leave this earth until I complete or do what I am meant to do. If I would have been replaceable then I would have been dead by now. A very harsh truth. My savior could not find my replacement and that is the only reason he granted me life 3 times. I had near-death experience thrice. Great na. I myself keep wondering what next? I cannot work with 50% health. I did take a break from my career since I could not work. I could not concentrate on anything. I read a quotation somewhere which said when life pulls you backward, be prepared for a great launch. I am still figuring out what? And God’s are updating their database and checking what work needs to be assigned to me.

I am fed up with this single life. Depression, anxiety, tension, fear, I have faced everything so I can figure out my own emotions and get into a good mood. If you all out there are going through something similar than do not get frustrated. Accept your emotions and then try and get out of it. It is useless being in a negative state of mind. It neither serves you nor other people near you. What is the use of getting tensed over something to which you have no immediate solutions? Smile it adds value to your face and gives a reason to someone else to be in your loving company. I wonder how people stay single. I am in 100% mood to get married to a man of my God’s choice. This lockdown made me aware of one thing that it is better to be locked in the same place with someone with whom you can share your life, eat his head, and laugh at the same jokes. Husband’s do make this world a better place to live for their wives.

I have overcome so much in life though I was not prepared for anything so if the same thing happens with you all be rest assured that you too can ride over all the storms of life. I never knew what pain is but when I experienced pain I never gave up and I have fought all my battles single-handedly with minimum support from my dad. He knew it was my pain and I should know how to handle it. The number of tears I have shed in 6 months can create a new ocean named after me but I successfully conquered everything. Yes, the scars remain and you cannot do anything about it.

Live life, reach your goals, fall in love with someone so that you know what love is.

Living a positive life does not means covering up those negative emotions which creep once in a while but it simply means to address them and choose to be positive. Earn money. Decide how much is too much. Draw a boundary line so that nothing comes in between you and your happiness. At the end of the day even if you purchase 5 bungalows you are going to just stay in one so decide, choose. Be happy. Marry the woman of your choice. Just go out and speak your heart out and if you are shy like me then only God can save you. Oh Yes! I forgot to mention. I have placed my wishes into the universe, I have full faith my prayers will be answered but I have to wait. There is something called divine time and destiny so when the time is right the man who is meant to be in my life will be with me. I believe in one thing if someone is written in my destiny he will be in my life for a lifetime.

Stay safe, stay strong, attend those unattended feelings or that dormant volcano will drive you nuts. When you cannot concentrate on anything just sleep and rest. , you can check, Facebook, WhatsApp, and Instagram. Do not add too many apps or else your sleep will be lost. Come on what are you looking for? Peace right. Then sleep, rest, and sort out your life. You will feel fresh and rejuvenated.

Lots of Love to all of you. Be at PEACE.

© 2010 Rashmi Priya. m